Konan's Day of Revenge
by coffee whore
Summary: The male members of the Akatsuki have finally pushed Konan over the edge, now it's payback time: in true Konan style.
1. Revenge against the Akatsuki

Konan's Day of Revenge

Summary: The male members of the Akatsuki have finally pushed Konan over the edge, now it's payback time: in true girl style.

A/N: I don't own Naruto and this was the result of a very bored me and plot bunnies.

5:30 am

Konan hit her alarm clock before it could wake everyone else up. It was going to be a busy day. Jumping up from her bed she looked at the list she had made up the night before. The boys always wondered why Leader was always cautious not to make her mad, now they were going to find out.

_**Itachi: Use his most expensive shampoo and conditioner then empty the rest in the sink.**_

_ First up, Itachi._ Grabbing her bath robe she cracked open her bedroom door and peaked outside, checking the hallway. Running across the hall she shut the bathroom door behind her. Quickly locking the door behind her she sighed, and looked at the bathroom with a grin. She was the first one in, that meant she got the hot water and could use Itachi's shampoo and no one could stop her. Slipping off her robe she turned on the shower then decided against it, and switched over to the bath. She was going to enjoy this day, even if it got her killed.

Steam rose off the hot water and she went to double check the locks on the door. Heading to the cabinet she grabbed Itachi's expensive shampoo and conditioner. _See what happens when you use my origami paper to make paper airplanes for target practice._ Giggling neurotically she slipped into the steaming hot water.

Lathering her hair up, Konan enjoyed the sweet scent of shae butter and black raspberries, when someone started pounding on the door. "Tobi needs to pee!" Eye twitching Konan growled. "Unlock the door or Tobi will pee in the hall!"

" GO OUTSIDE AND PISS!" Konan shouted and dunked her head under the water. _That probably woke up Itachi... great. And what the hell is Tobi doing awake this early in the morning..._ Flying out of the water Konan looked at the door. _Oh shit... Daylight savings time_... Quickly conditioning her hair and rinsing she got out and pulled on her robe, and took Itachi's shampoo and conditioner and left them open in the sink. Opening the door Konan found herself face to face with a line of men. _This is going to be a long day..._At the front of the line was Tobi, then Itachi. The Uchiha's eyes narrowed.

"Why do I smell my Paul Mitchelle Shampoo?" Konan grinned and walked calmly to her room.

Seconds passed when Itachi's voice echoed through the hideout, "_**KONAN YOU WILL SUFFER!" **_Cracking her door open she saw Itachi standing in front of it and she grinned.

"Your hate isn't strong enough, and you know what, it never will be." Giggling Konan shut the door, but not before she saw the look on his face, _That's right bitch, I quoted your ass._

7:30 (should have been 6:30) am

Glancing at her list Konan sighed, this was going to be easier to pull off because everyone was waiting to use the bathroom. _I cant believe I forgot to change the time on my alarm clock..._

_**Everyone: Switch the labels on the coffee**_

Dressing quickly Konan ran downstairs ignoring the glaring line of men outside the bathroom and ran to the kitchen. Leader was already finishing off his personal pot of coffee, when she grabbed the can and hid it under the sink, along with her personal French Roast.

Going through the pantry, Konan found all the espressos and started peeling off the labels. "Guess this is what they get for not leaving your French Roast alone?" Konan looked back at Leader and glared. "Shit."

"What was that?" Leader looked down at his cup and went silent. Glaring, Konan started grabbing the decaf coffees and proceeded to tearing off their labels, and one by one, dark brewed coffee's were labeled as decaf and decaf became espresso's.

"You better fill me in on what they did later." Grinning Konan started replacing all the cans and made herself half a pot of French Roast.

"Itachi and Kisame used my expensive origami paper to make paper airplanes to use for target practice. Deidara was using my blow dryer and flat iron again. Tobi broke into my room again, as to why I have no idea. Hidan tracked blood through the hideout and even left little bits of brain matter on the stairs. Kakuzu tried to tell me what I'm allowed to buy and what I'm not. And Zetsu, I swear, was watching me get dressed yesterday morning." Leader's eyes widened.

"Dead men walking." Konan nodded as she drank her personal pot of coffee, knowing she was the only person, besides Leader, who would get the right thing in their cups for a long time. _ I wasn't even paying attention to what got labeled what... I wonder what everyone will be like without their morning caffeine... and Tobi with caffeine... _Grinning Konan just waited, listening to the constant bickering upstairs. 

8:00 am

After all the guys had finished with their bathroom needs, Konan snuck upstairs, hiding from Itachi, and rechecked her list:

_**Hidan: Hide all his Jashinist scrolls and replace with Pein's Laws and Kami Tomes**_

Running silently down the hall she came to the Akatsuki Library and searched frantically for the dusty tomes that were dedicated to Kami and the long list Leader had written out when he was drunk one night when Orochimaru was still around. _I don't think he even remembers that night anymore...thankfully. _After searching for ten minutes she finally found them under a pile of porn that she didn't want to know who they belonged to. Shaking her head, Konan grabbed the tomes and laws and ran to Hidan's room. Inside she blanched, it smelled of old blood, and there was a body of some poor man strapped to the wall with a thick pool underneath him. The symbol of Jashin was painted in blood on the floor, walls, and even the ceiling. Making her way to Hidan's book shelf she pulled out all the scrolls related to Jashin, including the jutsu scrolls, and slipped in the replacements.

Hugging the Jashinist scrolls to her chest, she ran to her room and hid them in her closet.

12:00 pm

Kakuzu and Hidan were sent out on a mission for a new bounty, watching them leave, Konan's eyes lit up. Beside her, Leader shuddered. He knew whatever she had planned for them was cold and below the belt. Running upstairs she double checked how much she was stealing.

_**Kakuzu: Steal 100,000 ryo and go on a shopping spree for makeup and clothes and other stuff I don't need but want**_

__Konan ran to Kakuzu's room to find it locked. Sighing, she pulled out a piece of paper and folded it into a key that fit the lock. Popping it open she watched for traps. The old miser was very protective of his money. Watching her step, she made her way to his desk, which was surrounded by bags and briefcases full of cash. Deciding time was of the essence, she just grabbed one of the silver briefcases and ran out of the room, not bothering to see how much it held.

Shutting the door behind her, Konan grinned when Leader saw her with the case. "I'm going shopping, be back when this thing is empty." All around her, jaws dropped and eyes turned into saucers.

"Does she have a death wish?"

1:00 pm

Skipping into the village, Konan swung the case full of money beside her looking at all the stalls, stores, and restaurants. Stomach growling, Konan stopped. Stopping at no stall in particular she looked at the wares, it was a jewelry stall, filled with gold and diamonds. "Excuse me, can you tell me what is the most expensive place to eat here?" The stall owner looked at her, the old woman smiled and named off a place, and Konan nodded. "Thank you, when I'm done eating I'll come by and buy something. Actually, do you do special orders?" Again the woman nodded and Konan grinned. _I better remember to keep the receipts just so he knows how much I spent on each thing. _

Arriving at the restaurant Konan was shown to a table where she ordered a bottle of the most expensive sake and their most expensive cut of meat rare, with all the sides, which she most likely wouldn't eat all of but this was all on Kakuzu so she didn't care.

2:00 pm

After the most sinful lunch in the world Konan walked back to the market looking at the receipt for her lunch. 100 ryo. _Gunna have to really step it up..._ Skipping to the jewelry merchant from earlier she grinned. "I'm back."

"How was your lunch?"

"Flawless, meat was perfectly cooked, the sides were to die for, and the dessert nearly made me commit suicide." The old woman laughed. "Anyway you said you do special orders?"

"That's right," Both women grinned. "What can I make for you"  
"I need something that's going to piss off the king of the miser's," Konan grinned, "I need diamonds, gold, rubies, anything you can get your hands on. I have the money, so don't worry about price, but make sure it's tasteful that way so I can wear it on special occasions." _Like when Leader takes over the world or when Gods Angel, me, goes on a big date. Or if I just really wanna piss off Kakuzu..._

"Consider it done, I'll have you something by eight o' clock tonight." Nodding, Konan turned and started her shopping spree.

8:00 PM

_Thank God I bought storage scrolls... _Looking down at the receipts, Konan added up the numbers. 50,000 ryo. She had bought more clothes than any living person would ever need, even a Daiymo's wife or daughter, hell even an Emperor's wife wouldn't need this many clothes. Then there was the make-up, all of the most expensive brand she could find in the village. After she had only spent 10,000 ryo on all that, she knew she was going to have to shop bigger, and went to have a new bedroom set made. Everything was cherry wood: the king sized bed, the dresser, the armoire, and the tables. Then she went and bought blue satin sheets and pillow cases, new feather pillows, a new feather mattress, and the most gorgeous satin bedspread that was sapphire blue with white roses. That had brought her total up to the 40,000 ryo mark. Then she went shoe shopping. It was sinful, but this was a 'day' on Kakuzu. Looking inside the briefcase, Konan sighed, she had barely made a dent in the contents. _Who'd think I was carrying 5,000,000 ryo with me._

Konan's head shot up, and laughed. _The old woman said she'd have something for me soon, I better head that way._

Skipping once again to the jewelry stall, the old woman was bent over working on something hidden from Konan's view. Waiting patiently, Konan looked at all the pieces the old woman had on display. Gasping, she froze when she saw a white gold necklace in the shape of a rose, with small emeralds embedded in the stem. _Must have it must have it. AND THERE ARE MATCHING EARRINGS! _ The old woman must have heard her gasp because she turned and smiled.

"See something you like dear?" Konan could only point, and the woman pulled the necklace and earrings out. "My treat, what this other set cost will more than cover me for the year." Konan nodded wondering what she was about to be handing over but didn't care. Donning the rose necklace, Konan smiled.

"So, what do you have there behind you?" The old woman smiled and turned around.

"Just one more little stone and then it will be done, I've out-done myself on this one. It's not gold, but platinum." _Kakuzu is going to have a heart attack... maybe even five of them._ After a few minutes the old woman finally clapped and turned, holding out a black box in her hand for Konan to take. Carefully reaching for it, Konan opened it and gasped.

Inside was a platinum choker with a diamond the size of a quarter, surrounded by sapphires of the black, red, and blue coloring, with a chain hanging down holding a rose at the end where it would most likely rest between her breast. Beside it was a a bracelet much of the same design, only the rose was on a ring that was connected to the bracelet, and finally the rose earrings. _I'm going to die a slow and painful death._

"How much?"

"3,000,000 ryo."

"Here, figure out how much of that this is," Handing the woman the briefcase, she watched the woman's jaw drop to the ground, "oh can I get a receipt?"

9:00 pm

Konan slipped back into the hideout, no one had noticed her, quickly running upstairs she reentered Kakuzu's room and put the briefcase at the bottom of the pile and put her scrolls in her room, reminding herself to set up her bedroom later. _I can't believe how late it is... good thing we don't eat dinner for another 30 minutes._

"You've been gone a while Konan." Looking behind her, Leader leaned against her door. "So, how slowly is Kakuzu going to kill you?"

"He won't live long enough to, after he see's the receipts. Where is everyone?"

"Still out, though they should be back soon. Why how many more people do you have left?"

"Zetsu, Tobi, Deidara, and Kisame." Leader shuddered. "I need to start dinner and change a few things."

Pushing past Leader she glared, "Don't touch the scrolls, everything is packed very carefully and I _don't_ want to have to redo it." Moving down the hall, Konan unlocked one of the two rooms no one had been in for months: Sasori's old room. Dust greeted her and Leader, who had decided to see what she was planning that could involve the old puppet master's room. A thick layer of dust and cobwebs covered everything, discarded puppet parts remained untouched on shelves and hooks, diagrams lined the walls, and vials of poisons with no antidotes rested ominously on a shelf above a variety of blades. Walking confidently across the room Konan read what each poison did:

_Kills in 20 minutes after extreme pain and vomiting. **No I'd be the one cleaning that up...**_

_Kills in 2 weeks and hallucinations. **Tempting...** _

_Causes paralysis and uncontrolled bowel and bladder movements. **Must have been for Deidara...**_

_Aphrodisiac. **What the fuck did he need that for? Never mind don't wanna know... **_

_Causes coma and hallucinations. **Hmmm... no death...**_

Looking back at Leader he moved forward and looked at the five vials. "Who is the poison for?"

"Tobi."

"Vial #2." With that Leader turned and left.Looking at the vials again, Konan re-read #2: _Kills in 2 weeks and hallucinations..._ _well Leader said to._ Reaching for it, she grinned, and went for #3 instead.

Turning Konan ran out of the room, and dashed into Zetsu's room, gagging. All the bodies that turned up in here, were originally from Hidan's. Thanking her strong stomach, Konan grabbed the bits of human bodies and ran into Tobi's room and hid them in his blanket, ignoring all the strange things she did not want to acknowledge, _there are no dolls over there, they must be voodoo dolls if there is._ Running out she checked off the next objective mentally.

_**Zetsu: Stash his munchies in Tobi's room**_

Stopping in her room real quick, Konan grabbed the only food storage scroll and proceeded downstairs. She had 20 minutes to get dinner started. Thankfully the plans tonight were pretty simple. In the kitchen, Leader was sipping a small cup of sake as Konan activated the scroll on the counter, piles of meat appeared wrapped up nicely. "Kakuzu paid for dinner too, he's so thoughtful." Leader laughed as Konan moved to the fridge and pulled out the six assorted gallons of juice that were labeled: For Good Boys Only. Pulling out the vial of poison Konan laughed and Leader just watched in silence.

_**Tobi: Use the last little bits of Sasori's old and spike all of Tobi's juice**_

__Pulling out the cutting board, Konan shook her head and raised her hands, watching small sheets of paper peel off like skin. Controlling the paper with her chakra, they turned razor blade sharp and proceeded to slice the meat and vegetables.

9:45 pm

Everyone sat down in the living room, plates and bowls in hand. Leader had his recliner, sitting in it as if it were a throne. Kisame, Deidara, and Itachi sat on the couch, Hidan and Kakuzu had the sofa, and Zetsu sat on the floor with Tobi. Large pieces of paper flew out of the kitchen, carrying trays of sushi and a big pot of soup. Seeing the sushi, Kisame started to cry and reached for the soup.

"Where's Konan?" Itachi growled, staring at Leader who shrugged. "She wasted all of my Paul Mitchelle products."

"She _what?"_ Kakuzu growled, "I told you to make that shit last, it cost me 40 ryo."

"I was making it last, she's the one who poured it down the sink." Itachi whined.

"She made sushi..." Kisame said, tears down his face. "Why would she do that." Kisame finished off his bowl of soup. Suddenly Leader cracked a smile and started laughing. "Leader?"

"You get emotional over sushi, yet inhaled a bowl of shark fin soup." Everyone froze and looked at Kisame.

"NOOOOOO!"

_**Kisame: Make sushi and shark fin soup for dinner**_

12:00 am

Cracking her eyes open, Konan looked at her clock, with its now proper time. Sitting up, she opened the cabinet closest to her bed and found the kit she had been looking for. Opening it, she grinned, _ I'll show you what happens when you use my stuff without asking._ Closing the kit, she hopped out of her new bed and made it for the door. It was Deidara's turn.

_**Deidara: Transform hair in his sleep**_

__Tiptoeing down the hall, she found herself in front of the Iwa nin's room and giggled quietly as she cracked the door open. Laying there sprawled across his bed, Deidara snored silently, hair everywhere. Creeping closer, Konan made sure the blonde was sleeping deeply before she reopened the kit, and pulled out the scissors. _You won't need a flat iron or blow dryer when I'm done with you jackass. _Grabbing handfuls, Konan chopped off the long blonde hair, letting it fall to the floor and bed, not a single bit of it even, but all short to where the only way he could salvage it was to have it short like Tobi, Zetsu, or Leader.

Once satisfied with her damage, she went to her room and grabbed the receipts from her outing and stood outside of Kakuzu's room, and slipped them under his door. _Knowing the old miser he'll go through every penny he has to make sure it wasn't his, if he survives reading the slip from the old woman._

_**THE NEXT MORNING**_

Konan and Leader sat across the table from each other, laughing. After telling Leader everything she had done to the others, she was surprised to see that Leader hadn't died over from laughing so hard. Drinking her French Roast, she looked at the clock. 6:00 am, _any time now. 6:00 was when Kakuzu woke up, then everyone else woke up between 6:00 and 6:20. __And this morning I'll get to see the results of their change in caffeine intake._ Konan wasn't looking forward to seeing a Tobi with caffeine but everyone else was going to be worth it, except for maybe Kakuzu, he was grumpy as it is. _Oh wait... if that poison works we won't be seeing Tobi for a while..._

"So, Leader, who is it that drinks my French Roast?"

"Itachi and Kakuzu." My eye twitched. "Are you surprised?"

"Not really, but still, the assholes will know better now than to piss me off."

"I still can't believe you stole a whole briefcase of cash."

"A single bounty will replace what I spent, plus my new bed is so comfortable." Konan grinned, "and you wouldn't believe how many clothes I have now. I can go the rest of my life and never wear the same outfit twice." Leader laughed as Konan continued to talk about everything she had bought yesterday, he finally stopped her when she got to the shoes.

"But what was your biggest purchase?"

"A platinum jewelry set with diamonds and sapphires." Konan refilled her cup as a pained wail echoed through the the hideout. "Was that Kakuzu?"

"Sounds like it, think he heard you?"

"No, he found the receipts from yesterday." Konan snickered as footsteps thundered down the stairs. _Three...two...one..._ The kitchen door slammed open and a bedheaded Kakuzu was shaking pointing at Konan.

"You...You...You...YOU!"

"Me?" Konan said sweetly, waiting.

"YOU WENT SHOPPING!"

"Yes."

"With money!?"

"Yes."

"WHERE DID YOU GET 3,000,000 ryo!"

"Your room." The 91 year old shinobi clutched his chest and fell to the floor. "Wanna see what it got me?"

Quickly Kakuzu stood back up, "RETURN IT! I WANT MY MONEY BACK NOW!"

"Can't was a special order." Kakuzu was in front of Konan in a heartbeat.

"YOU WILL REPLACE MY MONEY OR YOUR HEART WILL REPLACE THE ONE YOU JUST CAUSED TO ARREST!"

"You'll get your money back with valuable entertainment today. As for the heart, you don't want mine, it's too expensive." Konan laughed, "Now sit down and have a cup of coffee and wait for Deidara to come downstairs."

Hidan was shaking, holding religious books that were not his own. Staring at Leader he demanded to know where his Jashinist scrolls were. All Leader could do was shrug and ask Konan. Upon doing this, screams of _MY HAIR _echoed throughout the base. Everyone looked confused at each other, until Deidara walked down the stairs, hair cut short and patchy, some touching his shoulder, some so close to his head it was almost buzzed. When everyone saw, laughter erupted from the Akatsuki, causing the blonde to burst into tears. Itachi had to dodge to the side to avoid the sprinting shinobi, his hair in a towel.

"You guys know Kisame is outside, puking his guts out burying the shark fin soup from last night with the sushi?" Itachi asked and a few members made a disgusted face. "Also there's a revolting odor coming out of Tobi's room. Konan gagged, and everyone turned to her. _Shit...and well piss... and maybe some decaying body parts..._

"Maybe someone should go check on him..." No one moved, until Itachi volunteered Hidan.

"Why me?"

"You're Immortal so the smell won't kill you upon inhalation."

"Damn it." Going upstairs Hidan grimaced, feeling slight pity for him, Konan went to the kitchen and pulled out every cleaning utensil and disinfectant and left them at the bottom of the stairs.

Leader stood in the middle of the room, staring down the remaining men in his organization. Kakuzu was in tears still, as was Kisame. Deidara was having Itachi try to save his hair, which was now greatly resembling Tobi's but blonde. Hidan was rocking back and forth clutching his Jashinist pendant.

"Now I don't know what the hell you all did to piss Konan off, but I was given a few examples but I know it takes more than one offence for her to go this far, but never do it again. She spend all day yesterday getting even with all of you. Kakuzu I will replace the 3,050,000 ryo she stole, and Itachi, you will be bought new Paul Mitchelle products. Hidan your Jashinist scrolls are in Konan's very empty closet, because she hasn't unpacked her shopping spree yet. Zetsu, Hidan will supply you with new...snacks... Deidara... I'm sorry dude but she got your ass good."

"What did she do to Tobi, he was unresponsive when I tried to wake him up. He was laying in a pile of shit." Hidan frowned, "I may not like the guy but damn he looked dead."

"Probably is, she poured some of Sasori's poison in his juices, I don't recommend drinking them."

"So why didn't you get in trouble?" Kisame cried, looking pale.

"I didn't get to help, that's punishment enough for anything I do in the future."


	2. Revenge against the Leader

AN: ok some of my friends were wondering what would happen if dear dear pein were to ever piss off konan, well here is a day dedicated to him. Also atm I'm working in collaberation with my sister IDontStalkIWatch ( u/951093/) on a FMA story check it out it's called How to Survive the Humunculi for Dummies so check it out.

Konan's Next Day of Revenge

**9 Months after Konan's Day of Revenge:**

5:00 A.M.

Konan was livid! How could he forget what yesterday was! Of all the Akatsuki Pein **_KNEW _**better than to piss her off, yet yesterday he had done that without even thinking about it. Stupid Stupid MAN-DEMON-GOD-WANNA-BE! Sitting up quickly in her bed, Konan grinned, oh yes... it was a new day of revenge... and this time she would have help! Jumping out of her blankets she grabbed a kimono styled robe and crept over to her desk of doom. If she was going to enlist help, she would have to be careful, Pein was not an easy one to get revenge on. Even when he was Nagato, and no Pein, she had Yahiko to assist her. Now Pein was Yahiko and several other people but was still Nagato inside… Ugh too early to start confusing herself.

Sitting down, Konan found her dirty little secrets folder, which had all the guilty pleasures and dark secrets of all the Akatsuki listed inside. Grinning, she never thought she'd have to use it to get them to help her against Pein, but desperate times…

**PEIN-**

**On days when everyone is out of the base, summons all his paths to have 'meetings' (see tea parties) and discuss how to spread the religion of Pein. (Audio Recording)**

**ITACHI-**

**Has a secret desire to die at his brother's hands. Still Loyal to Leaf and inform's Jiraiya-Sensei about our activities. Also has a thing for listening to Britney Spears, Backstreet Boys, Christina Agulera, N-Sync, and Ricky Martin. (CD's can be located under his bed in the safe)**

**ZETSU-**

**Smokes weed and indulges in shrooms**

**DEIDARA-**

** Was drunk as hell dressed up as a girl dancing in the bathroom using a hairbrush as a microphone singing I'm A Barbie Girl while dying his hair blonde. (Video Evidence)**

**SASORI-**

**(Dead) Sometimes goes into town possessing a female puppet body that has a striking resemblance to what the offspring of himself and Deidara would look like. (Must pursue.)**

**TOBI-**

**Is actually Madara Uchiha. And is really … GAY! **

**HIDAN-**

**When even slightly drunk does not curse, or believe in Jashin. (Video Evidence)**

**KISAME-**

**When we go to the beach, have caught him looking around for the casts from Finding Nemo and The Little Mermaid… I really don't want to know. (Video Evidence)**

**KAKUZU-**

**Once a decade, will donate a small amount of cash to his old village. (Discovered this when I stole cash from him by looking in the accounting books.)**

**OROCHIMARU-**

**(No longer a Member but can still blackmail his ass) Has an extreme hatred for orphans and love of snakes. Also owns every Michael Jackson CD and can dance like him too. And has a graphic picture of Tsunade and Jiraiya-sensei in the hot springs together.**

Sighing, Konan knew that whoever she recruited was going to have to have a lot to lose if she released any of the information she had. Groaning again, Konan's head landed on the desk and her eye twitched. It was time to go see Itachi and Hidan. Putting the Blackmail Files back in the Desk, Konan stood up and looked at her clock, 5:30... Hidan was probably passed out but Itachi has severe Insomnia and was probably muting out any signs of life with his 'music', and entering without some sort of warning would result in a kunai lodge in her forehead. Sucking it up, Konan got up and headed out of the room, Pein had to pay, no matter the means.

Creeping down the hallway, Konan risked a chakra flare outside of Itachi's bedroom door, waited a second, then opened the door. When no sharp pointy objects came in her direction she finished opening the door. The Uchiha Prodigy was bent over hiding something under his bed, and Konan smirked, she already knew. "What do you want Konan?"

"A little assistance in a matter of importance." The Uchiha looked back at Konan curiously, who was grinning wickedly. "I promise nothing will come back to you on this, if you help me. If not, well... some secrets might just come to light." Itachi sent a death glare in Konan's direction, but she didn't even flinch. Granted nothing could compair to an Uchiha death glare, except for her own.

"I doubt you have any secrets."

"Oh? So there isn't a bunch of 90's boybands and girl pop star CD's under your bed? Or perhaps the secrets concerning your bro-"

"What do you want."

"Like I said, a little assistance."

* * *

7:00 A.M.

Konan grabbed Hidan by his hair the moment he stepped out of his bedroom, and pulled him in Itachi's room. Upon release the Jashinist glared at both Konan and Itachi. "What the fucking hell is going on here mother fuckers, i need to take a jashin damn shit!" Konan's eye twitched, and Itachi just fell back on his bed.

"If he doesn't help I want the video for payment." Itachi muttered and Konan cocked her eyebrow. She hadn't told him what was on the video but he knew it had to be good.

"Hidan, you're going to help me with something. And you don't want Itachi to have that video."

"And why the fucking hell do you think i give a fuck about some damn video?"

"If its like what she has on me, you do." Itachi whined and Konan grinned, Itachi Uchiha whining was priceless. Hidan just looked shocked to even hear the ever stotic uchiha have an emotion in his voice.

"What she have on you fucker."

"Hn."

"Bastard."

"So you going to help?" Konan smiled.

"What the fuck you want help with?"

"Just a little revenge." Both Akatsuki males looked at Konan with horror.

It was Itachi who asked the dreaded question: "On who?"

"Our ever loved Leader, Pein."

"YOU CAN'T FUCKING BE SERIOUS..."

"We're going to die..."

* * *

7:30 A.M.

Hidan and Itachi glanced over at each other, what in the hell could Konan have on them. "Maybe the bitch doesn't have any fucking blackmail." _would be fucking likely fucking bitch, i still haven't forgiven her hiding my jashinist scrolls from me._

"It's Konan, and she already informed me what she has on me." Itachi groaned, "I'd rather not chance the rest of the Akatsuki knowing what she does."

"That fucking bad?" _Wonder what she's got on him?_

"Hn." _what the hell does that fucking mean?!_

"Fucking Uchiha." The Jashinist growled, "Jashin should strike her from existance." The Uchiha snorted, and Hidan choked. "Did you just snort?"

"Hn." _I'm about to smack an Uchiha if he doesn't use some damn words._

"You fucking snorted, oh my jashin you fucking snorted!"

"Don't make me kill you."

"Really? You didn't just say that...Have you forgotten my head can be cut off and I still keep on living? I thought you were supposed to be smart Mr. Uchiha Prodigy." Itachi dead-panned.

"Don't make me stick you in Tsukoyomi with a bunch of buddist monks without your scythe."

"Fucking Uchiha..."

* * *

8:00 A.M

Konan was sitting in the kitchen across from Pein, watching him slowly sip his coffee. How was she going to extract her revenge... She now had help but damnit he was always hard to get. They had known each other since child hood and knew almost everything about him. She gave a little smirk, he used to be such a big pansy, oh if only the Akatsuki knew their leader cried over a dead dog. Granted she did too, but still. Then it came to her and she gave a small laugh. Oh yes that would be perfect.

"Something funny Konan?"

"Just thinking on something."

"Don't wanna know, last time that happened you made life hell for the guys. Just let me see what happens." Getting up Pein left.

Once she was sure he was out of earshot Konan started laughing like a maniac, making Deidara freeze midstep and turn around running. Still lauging, but not as loudly, Konan went to find Itachi.

* * *

11:00 A.M

"Fucking Uchiha, being so damn hard to find, and Fucking blue haired bitch sending me to find him what do i fucking look like a messanger boy? If it wasn't for that damn mystery video I would have said Fuck her and left. Stupid Fucking Akatsuki and Leader." Hidan picked up a rock and growled, "Not fucking there either. Fucking Uchiha."

"Looking for someone?" Hidan looked up in the tree and growled, _Fucking Uchiha hiding in the fucking tree._

"Konan want's you."

"Where is she?"

"Said she'd be at some fucking resturaunt. We're to meet her there, come on bastard."

"Watch it Hidan, I will stick you in Tsukoyomi with Naruto Uzimaki saying 'Believe it' over and over again."

"Bastard." Itachi turned mangekyou activated, "shit..."

* * *

12:00 P.M.

"You both are late." Konan poured herself another cup of sake. "Mind explaining why?" Itachi smirked and Hidan shuddered. "Well?"

"Hidan now fears me." Itachi shrugged

"Fuck that shit, I fear the fucking nine tail jinjuriki and his fucking retarded catch phrase."

"Next time it's someone worse." Itachi smirked.

"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL CAN BE WORSE THAN THAT?!"

"You've never been to the leaf have you?" Konan asked knowingly.

"No."

"Then don't ask and don't anger me and you won't find out." Itachi sighed and turned back to Konan, "What do you need us to do?"

"Get contact with a certain someone and see if he still has a certain item which i will require." Konan wrote a name and what she needed on a peice of paper and made an origami butterfly out of it, and let it fly into Itachi's palm.

"Who would that fucking be?"

"Only Itachi is needed for this part, you have something else to do." Taking out another paper, Konan grinned and wrote down a list of things needed. Folding the paper into a bird which came to life with chakra landed on Hidan's head, "I need these items, and a lot of em." The Akatsuki members looked at each other. "Why are you still standing here?" Quickly the two men left, and Konan returned to her sake, which was on Kakuzu... not that he knew it.

* * *

2:00 P.M

Konan sat in the living room making origami when she noticed Itachi and Hidan both walking into the base looking slightly disturbed, Itachi more so than Hidan. He probably hadn't expected to be handed an item like that. Smirking she looked across the room towards Peins office, the door shut for privacy. His wish for not knowing what she was plotting was too hilarious, then she remembred why she was going after him. HOW DARE HE FORGET HER BIRTHDAY! Eye twitching Konan stood up and gestured for the Uchiha and Jashinist to follow her.

Inside her room she turned to face the two men, both handed her a storage scroll, Itachi almost shoved his in her hand, but that was below his Uchiha standards. Even though apparently rocking out to i want it that way this morning was not. Smirking again she sat them on her desk of doom and sat down.

"How did everything go?"

"Now i know why i never met him in person, from now definantly sending messangers only again. Even tried to give me one of his books, an autographed copy..." Itachi shuddered and Konan laughed, Jiraiya had tried to give Itachi a copy of Icha Icha. That could have only been more blackmail for her. "I eventually accepted and once he was far enough away i used Amatarasu on it."

"So you fucking burned a book? At least you didn't have to walk into a damn arts and crafts store!" Hidan shouted, "Fucking bitches laughed when i asked for those items! I don't even want to know what you're going to do to Leader, I just want this to be done and over with so i can get whatever fucking blackmail it is you have on me and destroy it."

"Who said i was going to give you the blackmail? I'm just not going to release it to the orginization and general public is all." Konan picked up Itachi's scroll. "So he still had them?"

"Yes, and let me assure you Konan, it was not fun explaining why I needed them." Itachi eyed the scroll, "Why you would need such things is beyond me."

"Simple: Revenge and Blackmail at the same time."

"Whats fucking in there anyway?"

"Would you believe me if i told you this was what the original three akatsuki trained in?" Konan laughed. Itachi looked horrified at the thought having seen the 'training clothes' and Hidan just looked confused. Under his breath both Konan and Hidan heard Itachi mutter _green spandex..._

* * *

5:00 P.M

It was done! After grabbing Kakuzu and blackmailing him she had the outfit 'resized'. Sneaking back into Sasori's room after so many months, Konan looked through his poisions and found one to temporarily knock Pein out even just for a few minutes. That is all she would need. Yes, Pein will pay! Looking through all the lables, she quickly found what she needed and ran out of the room, running straight into Deidara.

"What are you doing uhn?"

"None of you're buisness Deidara, how's growing your hair back out?" Deidara's hand instantly went back to his hair remembering waking up with almost no hair, it now resembled a certain Uchiha's, or a chickens ass. The blonde Akatsuki quickly retreated and Konan hurried downstairs. Pein was still in his office. Before entering, she checked to make sure she still had the storage scroll. Satisfied she opened the door without knocking and saw Pein surrounded by paperwork.

"What do you want Konan?"

"I just wanted to ask you something."

"Well?"

"Do you know what yesterday was?" She asked sweetly. Pein looked at her confused and pulled out a calendar.

"Feburary 20th?"

"Is that all?"

"Yes. Is there a-" Pein stopped and looked at the calendar again. "20th..." Looking up at Konan again then down at the calendar Pein openly shuddered. "Konan, i swear it just went past me faster than i realized. Come on I'll make it up to you I promise. Please Konan, we've known each other for most of our lives. Would Yahiko really condone this? I am **_GOD_**!" Deciding against using a sleeping poison Konan just knocked him out with her fist. Smirking she got to work, it was time to get her vengence on a 'God'.

* * *

5:30 P.M.

Pein woke to the sound of laughter. Not just a small tinkling of laughter either, it was bellyrolling hysterical laughter. Cracking his eyes open, Pein saw he was surrounded by the members of the was sitting at his desk, reclining in his chair feet up on the desk. Groaning he knew this was not good. Reaching to massage his temples, Pein froze at the feel of fabirc. Looking at himself, he noticed he was wearing a lime green jumpsuit, his Akatsuki uniform missing. Looking around again, Pein noticed Kisame, Hidan, and Deidara were rolling on the floor having issues breathing, and even Kakuzu and Itachi were laughing which was a sight for sure. Zetsu was sticking out of the ceiling with a...camera?! Itachi eventually composed himself to hold up a small mirror, what he saw made him pale considerably. He was in the horrifying toad suit that Jiraiya-sensei had them wear once upon a time.

"KONAN!"

Lauging Konan rose from her seat and stalked over to Pein, still laughing. Kneeling next to him she whispered in his ears, her words filled with poison and promise. "If you forget my birthday next year dear dear Nagato, I _will_ have Zetsu release those pictures i've had him take for the past half hour to all the shinobi villages. As it is now, none of the boys will repeat this event ever again unless otherwise instructed to by myself. This is assured because if i hear even a whisper of it again, i will be releasing blackmail i have on them a well. I hope, this never happens again."

"I'll go get changed and take you to dinner now."

"That's a good boy."

"Did you really have to replicate this thing though?"

"It's not a replica." Konan laughed and left the room, gesturing for all the rest to follow her. Pein hung his head in defeat, you just didn't forget a girls birthday expecally when she's an S-class missing nin trained by one of the largest perverts in existance.


End file.
